Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you.
This is from a song called Hate Me by one of my favorite bands, Blue October. This song, and in fact the album Foiled in it’s entirety, has played a large role in my life. In my early 20’s I was in a relationship with an addict. It took me a long time to realize that is what he was… or at least to admit that to myself, in truth I think I knew very early on. In the beginning I was not interested in a serious relationship, so his flaws were not of much consequence. 3 1/2 years, many fights, a lot of crying, hitting rock bottom, and several heartbreaks later, I found the strength to end the relationship. This album helped me cope through a better portion of the last 1 1/2 years and months afterward. I found the bitter sweet sounds amplified and complimented the painful honesty in the lyrics. It was a therapeutic album for the lead singer of the band and in turn was a form of therapy for me. Still to this day when I listen to these songs, I get a pang in my chest, a lump in my throat, and tears in my eyes. I feel an almost lovely kind of sadness and hope not just for myself, but for the singer, for my ex, and for all addicts and their loved ones who are so completely affected and forever changed by the power of addictions. I admit that I was deeply hurt by this relationship, but also profoundly affected. I was able to grow and learn a tremendous amount and I would not change experiencing that pain for the world.